I know I know, it has been a while again. It seems as the kids get older I find less time to be in a quiet place by myself in order to be able to think long enough to type on here. Kaytlin finished her first year of preschool and is now in summer classes at Cornerstone Pediatric Rahab. She has gone 3 times now and still freaks out when I drop her off. She is the only girl there too lol. The first time went quite well, the 2nd time she knew what was going to happen and she screamed the entire first have of the 2 1/2 hours!! At that point it was hard for me to take her back again, I feel like I am betraying her trust because she doesn't understand that it's okay for mommy to not be with her 24/7. The last time she went she stopped crying right after I left, but I don't think she has ever held on to me that tight in her life. On one hand it feels so good that I make her feel that secure, then on the other it makes me feel as if I am holding her back from independance by staying home with the kids.

She is doing really well there, the only issue they have is the one that everyone has, she has problems transitioning from one activity to another. The time from one to the next is the confusion, frustration, and sometimes breakdowns. She gets quite upset because it is hard for her. I think that is why she is having such a hard time with this school. She keeps telling me it isn't her school and that she wants to go back to her other school. I try to tell her that no one is there right now but that we will be able to go back over there soon, but as any three year old wouldn't she doesn't get that part.

Tonight when I put her to bed all I wanted to do was hold her as close to me and as tight in my arms as I could. It was one of those nights that you look at your baby and tears well up in your eyes because you cannot believe how much you love this child in your arms, even though you get soooo frustrated with them just about daily.

Her and Robbie are having issues with being violent right now. Hitting, kicking, and pushing are the 3 big ones. She thinks she is his mom and should spank him for EVERYTHING, even when he isn't being naughty but she wants to pretend at that moment out of the blue that he is being naughty lol. They both want to kick the dogs because they think it is funny that the dogs are growling at them, well actually just my minpin who has never hurt a fly. He is almost 9 years old now though and I really don't want them thinking it is okay to kick dogs. They get time outs for that one, yet still it doesn't seem to want to sink in that it isn't okay.

I love always getting such good feedback about her and how helpful she is lol. She has always wanted to be the teacher's helper no matter what kind of class. Even in gymnastics she wanted to stand in front of the class with the teacher to sing the songs that they sang or when they were doing dances she wanted to stand up front. Now in her classes I was told she is a good influence for the other children because she is showing them how to share, now why can she not do that at home lmbo! Funny how they are willing to show how well you have taught them when you are not around, sneaky little things!

That is all for now, things are getting better, slowly, but better so I don't care how slow. Oh one more thing before I go. The other day in her new school kaytlin made a catepillar with the letters of her name on it. Once they were finished she looked at it and said, "My mom will love this." and started crying all sentimental and missing me! How awesome is that!!

Wanted to add a few new pics of my beautiful girl :)

Well some newer ones lol



I realized I hadn't updated with any new ones lately. She is so beaautiful! This goes to show that the outside looks don't reveal what is on the inside. Many people think of children that cannot talk and don't understand anything when they think of autism, and moreso they think of the way children should "look" when they have autism, but Kayt is a testament to tell you that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

She is doing so well!

kayt has been doing sooo well with school. We did have one set back but it was because we drove to Louisiana to visit my honey's parents and that threw her schedule off. I didn't even think about what that would do. Well,,, she started peeing and pooping in her panties like crazy. We had about a week's worth of pooping in the panties before she started going in the potty again. Now we are still having issues of peeing in her panties, especially at night. I know that most kids have trouble with night, but she was fully night trained before we left, so that is why this makes me sad for her. She always feels awkward when she pees in her bed and just lays there till I come up to her. Now we have started putting her in pull-ups at night time so that if she does have an accident it wont soak her or her bed. Some nights she gets up dry.

Kaytlin loves riding her bus still and is always telling us that she was naughty at school lol, I don't think she quite grasps what naughty means lol. She also talks a lot about a boy named Michael lol. She loves to sit by him on the bus too.

i fear she has another ear infection, she has had 1-2 per month lately. I am going to have her looked at tomorrow at her brothers check up. She is coughing with no other symptoms which usually means another ear  infection. I can't wait till she can tell me that her ears hurt, it would make it much easier for me.

I can't remember if I put on the last post that Kayt is no longer in hippo therapy. My husband lost his job so we cannot afford to drive 80 miles round trip to keep her in it. I am hoping that the OT and ST at her school is enough to keep her progressing and not regressing.

Well it's late, sorry these posts are not as often. kaytlin is still my beautiful princess and I love her sooooo much~

Well Kayt starts developmental preschool this month! I can't believe my baby is going to be 3 this month! How exciting for her. I love her so much but it will be really nice to have a couple hours a few times a week with just Robbie, I am sure he will enjoy the alone with mommy time. She is still doing hippotherapy and OT combined which will continue even after she starts preschool. Her developmental therapist is about to have a baby so we will not be having her anymore, she is part of the early intervention here in Indiana AKA First Steps, and the children age out at 3 years old. It is bitter sweat to not have her anymore, we have seen her 1-2x a week since Kayt was 18 months old, the kids and I will definitely miss her. When I ask Kayt how old she is now she answers 2 3 years old lol.. so she is both 2 & 3 years old. I decided to start teaching her now about being 3 years old since she learns better now than she did at 2 1/2 I figure she should pick up on it much quicker. I am anxious to know how often she will go to preschool because they base it on how much they think the child can handle and I think that she can handle it the whole week, but maybe easing into it to help her adjust because she doesn't like her routine changed at all. Anywho nothing much to report, she is still having problems sleeping through the night so I am hoping my mom will buy her the night light that has the sun and moon on it to help them know when to get up and when to stay in bed...

Diagnosis

Well I found out that her developmental pediatrician did in fact diagnose her with autism. We had an appointment to go over everything a few days ago and when I asked her about things in CA she informed me that Kaytlin should have no problem getting anything she needs out there with her diagnosis. I said, "with PDD-NOS" and she said no the one that I gave her at our last appointment of Autism. Needless to say I was a little shocked because she specifically said she was not going to give her a diagnosis but to proceed as if she was diagnosed with Autism. I guess she changed her mind after the appointment. I was given her report and all of her test results from the genetic testing. I wanted to include in here a copy of the report, however it is not scanning dark enough to put on here so I will type out the doctor's diagnosis area.

DIAGNOSIS:
Autism, this is a provisional diagnosis given the patients young age. At this time, Kaytlin does meet DSM-IV criteria for the diagnosis by history. Of note, her psychologist has previously evaluated her at the age of 26 months as meeting criteria for autistic disorder.

I guess the provisional part doesn't mean squat except that she should be re evaluated at around 5 or so and see if she still fits the criteria. When it came from her psycologist it was not put on her because you have to have a doctorate to diagnose, so it is official Kaytlin can get anything that is out there with the Autism diagnosis.

How do I feel about this? I have been asked this soooo much it seems. I am okay with it, I know that I will do whatever I have to in order to get whatever my daughter needs to succeed in life to the best of her ability. I am thankful and greatful that she is very high functioning, and I often forget and second guess myself that anything is wrong with her, until she regresses or has her horrid meltdowns or forgets and gets confused half way while trying to perform a simple task.

There are many people out there who have judged me and basically said that I am wrong and there is nothign wrong with my daughter. I want to tell anyone who says these things to people/family/loved ones, anyone in general that is the worst thing you can ever say to a mom or dad that is trying their hardest to raise a special needs child. Unless you spend every waking moment with that child you should keep your opinion to yourself. This is not a topic of gossip, this is not a topic taken lightly, and this is especially not a topic or situation for a support system to turn on the people that need it the most. I am very dissapointed in everyone that has doubted me and my parenting ability and I pray that one day you will see the light and that we as parents are doing what we need to do in order for our daughter to have the best life possible.

I also want to thank everyone that has supported me in this year and a half journey to getting a diagnosis and figuring out exactly what was going on with Kayt. Her therapists rock and I cannot be more thankful for her developmental therapist and psycologist who have not only helped with Kayt but also to re assure me that they would not be waisting their time or ours if she did not need their services.

I am over ready to move where my mom can help and take Kayt for a day and give this mommy a break :) Kaytlin and Robbie are definitely a hand full! I will continue to update and I want to thank everyone that has been here reading whenever I update and praying when I have asked you all ROCK!

Okay I learned something new today. Kaytlin only knew she was going pee in her potty because it sings, she couldn't feel that she was going! She thought for sure she went in her bubbies frog potty which doesn't make noise, and she hadn't and it happened a few times. She also peed her pants at hippotherapy and had no idea that she did it and I guess her shoes were full of pee, if her pants didn't have a huge wet mark her OT wouldn't have known till she felt it! My poor baby girl, I knew she was good at making people believe that she knew more than she did, but she even fooled her mom and dad this time! I wish I could fix all this for her, I guess I was in denial for a bit there thinking that the hippotherapy was the cure all for her. Don't get me wrong it is helping, but not as much as I had thought. Anywho just wanted to update.

Sorry I have not posted in a while. We started Kaytlin's hippotherapy and things have been soooo wonderful since! She has been a different child, a typical 2 yr old (i will take the stress of that over before anyday!). She is even potty training now! Today she had 0 accidents until this evening. We even left the house, I took her potty with us and she used it in the back of the van lol. She talks much more clear, asks for what she wants instead of crying, understands a lot of what we tell her, it is just amazing! She still has her motor planning issues (her tongue that I mentioned before and a few others) as well as sensory which we don't think she can feel when she needs to go #2, she also is still unable to tell me what hurts or where she hurt herself which makes it hard when she is crying and I have to search for whatever got hurt.

I am just sooo amazed and proud of my little girl. I know some of you read some nasty things on my facebook wall that were written by a few members of my husbands family, but I want you to know that we do not speak with those individuals anymore as that is just poison that does not need to be involved in our lives. His mother is very much for everything we are doing now as she can see the delays also, my mom, as much as she doesn't see too much of the delays (or doesn't want to), does not look down on any of the things we are doing anymore as she sees it more of any help teaching her things is not doing her any harm anyway.

Kayt has her transition meeting to start developmental preschool coming up! I cannot believe my baby is almost 3!!! She has also been released from speech therapy! The hippotherapy helps her think so well and process what she wants to say clearly enough that they do not feel that speech therapy is needed anymore :)

Okay I will stop bragging about my brat. Thanks for keeping up!