Not a day goes by that I am not in love with my kiddos. Kaytlin shows more and more signs of the delays and comprehension issues, but on the flip side, not a day goes by that I don't want to show her more and more that I love her. Kaytlin was in a car wreck with her dad and brother back in November. She has developed an anxiety of riding in cars, luckily not one she is actually aware of anymore, but her physical signs show her mind is aware of it. When we get in the car her thumb goes directly in her mouth and she rubs her jacket or shirt or whatever is there between her thumb and fingers.. God Bless her I understand why, but holy smokes that sound is like nails on a chalkboard! The car insurance is going to have to pay out a lot more than they realized and we have settled on all but her. You know it isn't about the money but if because of stupidity this happened to my baby, you know someone has to pay.. I would much rather her not have this anxiety issue.

5 years old...wow

I took Kayt to a pediatric neurologist Friday, February 3, 2012 and after speaking with her for about 5 minutes he said, " Well she is definitely on the spectrum, no doubt about that. Luckily it is such a broad spectrum and she is on an acute portion of it." Hehe he said my girl was cute...lol But seriously I guess there is always that part of me that is waiting for a doctor to say oh michelle it is all in your head, she is just fine! I mean seriously I would rather say OH I WAS WRONG, than to tell someone that I know my baby has autism. I know that we all have a struggle as parents already, but to add on top of that the fact that there is such a struggle with every day things makes it even harder.
The doc did give me a little advice that may help others also! HE said with trying to teach our children things that others will find something they just do we have to go about it differently. For an example with an autistic child you cannot just turn their attention on something else, and I found out us trying different techniques is what is causing our efforts to be fruitless. He said no matter what we have to stay consistent with what we are doing for example if we take her to the room after she plays in the dogs water then we have to do it that exact same way in order for her to stop doing it. To her, even though she has trouble connecting the punishment to the result you make it more of them going together.. So you keep it the same way every time, however, if you do it a different way that one time even after doing it 30 times that will hurt the effort and will be like starting all over again! It makes soooo much sense! We have just been ruining all of our efforts! Sabotaging ourselves! Ugh that was soooo sucky to kknow that if someone could have told us this long ago we prob could have saved a lot of frustration! So, this is our next thing to try :)

Okay so now to speak on where she is at this moment in life. Kaytlin is doing quite well, she is able to count to 20 with no problems if it is in school, so like she connects that and school and can do it well. If she is not in school she tends to miss a few numbers here and there, I don't think it is as much of pulling my leg as it is the place with the action. She can recognize K for her name but that is it so far. She recognizes her name when she sees it all together, but not if you ask her to find the letters individually without having just those letters out.

Kayt turned 5 this past Jan 22, we had a wonderful turnout for her birthday party! She loved having so many people here for her.. She got tons of Barbies :) Today we got her brother a bed and put it in her room, we are going to try to let them room together now that he is big enough to get me if something is going wrong.

Set back time again

We haven't had a mental set back like this in a very long time. Kaytlin is having a lot of times where she is just completely zoned out, I know that a lot of us zone out a bit, but for her its different and lasts a long time over and over right after she is snapped out of it. We were at soccer the other day and she usually respondes when her coach talks to her, this time she was so zoned out that he had to call her 3+ times and actually touch her for her to realize he was talking to her.. She kept sitting down on the field forgetting she was playing and would just pick grass.. She has been having a lot of breakdowns again. I held her yesterday for kicking her brother, well actually first I tried to put her in time out on the front porch because we were all outside and she freaked (she usually doesn't) and so I picked her up and put her on my lap and it was a total breakdown tears and everything.. screaming kicking you name it.. This hasn't happened before like this, especially if I pick her up and hold her so she won't hurt herself on the concrete porch from the kicking and stuff.. She has also starting having pee come out on her panties 4+ times a day, this hasn't happened since the last time I worked, and nothing has changed so I don't know what triggered this misfiring in her brain this time.

Why is it that just when we think things are going so well our babies our love our wonderful beautiful children have a set back like this. I am very thankful she is verbal and high functioning, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel bad for her when she is so lost and confused like she has been lately.

I love you so much Kaytlin you are my beautiful daughter and if I could I would take all the pain in the world away.

My thoughts, my fears, my blessings

I am watching a great episode of Dr Phil today on my DVR about children that are having outbreaks etc and the thing these kids have in common is that they do have autism however were not diagnosed earlier. They are the age of my friends children that have violent outbreaks etc, 8, 9 years old. The biggest thing is they don't know how to control their anger and they dont know how to deal with the anxiety. It worries me that Kaytlin may be there one day because her issue is not comprehending a lot of things that children her age comprehend. I guess I get into a lull where things seem much better and we have a better handle on things and I forget what can happen if I don't stay up on the certain discipline etc. I find myself in that lull and realizing I need to make sure to find things out now in case I need them later. I love my daughter so much and the other day while we were at soccer practice I realized that she still needs to be told things one step at a time as well as shown what exactly to do in each step.. then when we were at mcdonalds a classmate that is in there for developmental delay was able to comprehend everything I was talking to him about and I realized even more how much she prob is not getting what I am asking of her, and it makes me feel bad when I get frustrated because she doesn't deserve me getting frustrated and forgetting that she doesn't get it. It's too easy to forget, its hard to work.

kayt did so well tonight at her first soccer practice! everytime she kicks in the air her feet about hit her nose lol

Terrible 4's

Man are we ever going to get out of the terribles lol.. Hit them at 2 and they seem to never end! They cancelled Kaytlin's soccer practice today due to storms, that means she is only going to have 2 practices before her games. She is really excited about playing though! I cannot wait to see her out there playing I know she is going to love it. I took her and Robbie to a playdate yesterday at Jump N Play they had a blast. We ran into some people we hadn't seen since Easter of last year and the 3 of us and our kiddos went on to McDonalds after we were done playing. Kayt helped another little girl to go to the top of the play area because she was scared, it was so sweet. Then she walked her back down the way they went up because the little girl (Reese) was too scared to go down the slide, I was so proud of her! She is such a caring and loving person, I bet she will be in teaching or something like that when she gets older, she loves to help so much. Then Reese was at the top another time and crying so I asked Kayt to go and get her and she rushed in there and up to her, it was sooo sweet.

It's so funny when anyone asks Kayt how old she is, she still answers two. I don't know how to help her understand that she is 4, even throughout her whole 3's she still said 2. Robbie can tell you his and her age which is pretty awesome since he just turned 3 in March. I'm kinda glad I will be going to school this summer because I think her and I would irritate each other if we had to stay home the whole summer together lol. She told me this morning that she was glad I wasn't going to work because she liked that mommy was home. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to go to school because she wants to stay home with mommy.

i am so blessed and love my little girl soooo much! Thank you Lord for blessing me with 2 beautiful children that I have more love and patience for them than I ever thought possible.

Locks that work!

Sooooo glad that school is back in session! I love my daughter but she drives me nuts when she is with me 24/7 for days on end, like spring break. She has been doing really well and her teacher says that she behaves well and plays really well with others, I wish the same were true here at home. We recently upgraded all of the locks on cabinets etc because we are so frustrated with constantly having to get on her about getting into cabinets and in the refidgerator. We felt like we just didn't know what else to do so I spoke with her ped about what options we had and she gave us a few. The last straw was when I got home from delivering papers to find most of the food from the fridge, including eggs, bacon bits, all the fruit and veggies, plus more scattered all over her brother's room. The eggs were broken perfectly on some and the yolk still in tact, pretty impressive if they weren't on the carpet. The doctor told us about magnetic locks and finding an actual padlock for the fridge. I went online to amazon.com and found a padlock and it works great! Not only did we not have to drill into our fridge, the sticky stuff doesn't come off easy so she can't pull it off! If this is something you need here is the link to it: Black & Gray (Two Tone) Refrigerator Lock with Padlock
We also found some magnetic locks for the cabinets and you take the handles off and there is another magnet that you use to open the cabinets, these work wonderful also! Cabinet Locks: Magnetic Tot Lok Starter Set . These two things have saved us so much energy wasted on having to continuously get on her about getting into these things, AND no more eggs on the carpet lol.
I should mention we did have the regular cabinet locks, which she learned to push down and open the cabinets easily, and the fridge lock from walmart that just slid in and she learned how to open it, then started tearing them off the fridge and freezer.

kayt is doing her first walk-a-thon for school and has raised over 100 dollars in 2 days! I am so proud of her!

issues in life but me being her mommy makes me want to fix it all.

utiful gift of a daughter how I wish I could take it all away and know she wasnt going to have these issues any longer. I know that no matter who we are we have

s kayt is going to have some problems with that. I guess I was naive to think that she couldn't regress in areas the problems were not present in before. My bea

so we went to kayts 4yr checkup and doc said she is learning wonderfully and caught up there! woohoo.. however her fine motor skills are behind now and she feel

I know I know, it has been a while again. It seems as the kids get older I find less time to be in a quiet place by myself in order to be able to think long enough to type on here. Kaytlin finished her first year of preschool and is now in summer classes at Cornerstone Pediatric Rahab. She has gone 3 times now and still freaks out when I drop her off. She is the only girl there too lol. The first time went quite well, the 2nd time she knew what was going to happen and she screamed the entire first have of the 2 1/2 hours!! At that point it was hard for me to take her back again, I feel like I am betraying her trust because she doesn't understand that it's okay for mommy to not be with her 24/7. The last time she went she stopped crying right after I left, but I don't think she has ever held on to me that tight in her life. On one hand it feels so good that I make her feel that secure, then on the other it makes me feel as if I am holding her back from independance by staying home with the kids.

She is doing really well there, the only issue they have is the one that everyone has, she has problems transitioning from one activity to another. The time from one to the next is the confusion, frustration, and sometimes breakdowns. She gets quite upset because it is hard for her. I think that is why she is having such a hard time with this school. She keeps telling me it isn't her school and that she wants to go back to her other school. I try to tell her that no one is there right now but that we will be able to go back over there soon, but as any three year old wouldn't she doesn't get that part.

Tonight when I put her to bed all I wanted to do was hold her as close to me and as tight in my arms as I could. It was one of those nights that you look at your baby and tears well up in your eyes because you cannot believe how much you love this child in your arms, even though you get soooo frustrated with them just about daily.

Her and Robbie are having issues with being violent right now. Hitting, kicking, and pushing are the 3 big ones. She thinks she is his mom and should spank him for EVERYTHING, even when he isn't being naughty but she wants to pretend at that moment out of the blue that he is being naughty lol. They both want to kick the dogs because they think it is funny that the dogs are growling at them, well actually just my minpin who has never hurt a fly. He is almost 9 years old now though and I really don't want them thinking it is okay to kick dogs. They get time outs for that one, yet still it doesn't seem to want to sink in that it isn't okay.

I love always getting such good feedback about her and how helpful she is lol. She has always wanted to be the teacher's helper no matter what kind of class. Even in gymnastics she wanted to stand in front of the class with the teacher to sing the songs that they sang or when they were doing dances she wanted to stand up front. Now in her classes I was told she is a good influence for the other children because she is showing them how to share, now why can she not do that at home lmbo! Funny how they are willing to show how well you have taught them when you are not around, sneaky little things!

That is all for now, things are getting better, slowly, but better so I don't care how slow. Oh one more thing before I go. The other day in her new school kaytlin made a catepillar with the letters of her name on it. Once they were finished she looked at it and said, "My mom will love this." and started crying all sentimental and missing me! How awesome is that!!

Wanted to add a few new pics of my beautiful girl :)

Well some newer ones lol



I realized I hadn't updated with any new ones lately. She is so beaautiful! This goes to show that the outside looks don't reveal what is on the inside. Many people think of children that cannot talk and don't understand anything when they think of autism, and moreso they think of the way children should "look" when they have autism, but Kayt is a testament to tell you that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

She is doing so well!

kayt has been doing sooo well with school. We did have one set back but it was because we drove to Louisiana to visit my honey's parents and that threw her schedule off. I didn't even think about what that would do. Well,,, she started peeing and pooping in her panties like crazy. We had about a week's worth of pooping in the panties before she started going in the potty again. Now we are still having issues of peeing in her panties, especially at night. I know that most kids have trouble with night, but she was fully night trained before we left, so that is why this makes me sad for her. She always feels awkward when she pees in her bed and just lays there till I come up to her. Now we have started putting her in pull-ups at night time so that if she does have an accident it wont soak her or her bed. Some nights she gets up dry.

Kaytlin loves riding her bus still and is always telling us that she was naughty at school lol, I don't think she quite grasps what naughty means lol. She also talks a lot about a boy named Michael lol. She loves to sit by him on the bus too.

i fear she has another ear infection, she has had 1-2 per month lately. I am going to have her looked at tomorrow at her brothers check up. She is coughing with no other symptoms which usually means another ear  infection. I can't wait till she can tell me that her ears hurt, it would make it much easier for me.

I can't remember if I put on the last post that Kayt is no longer in hippo therapy. My husband lost his job so we cannot afford to drive 80 miles round trip to keep her in it. I am hoping that the OT and ST at her school is enough to keep her progressing and not regressing.

Well it's late, sorry these posts are not as often. kaytlin is still my beautiful princess and I love her sooooo much~

Well Kayt starts developmental preschool this month! I can't believe my baby is going to be 3 this month! How exciting for her. I love her so much but it will be really nice to have a couple hours a few times a week with just Robbie, I am sure he will enjoy the alone with mommy time. She is still doing hippotherapy and OT combined which will continue even after she starts preschool. Her developmental therapist is about to have a baby so we will not be having her anymore, she is part of the early intervention here in Indiana AKA First Steps, and the children age out at 3 years old. It is bitter sweat to not have her anymore, we have seen her 1-2x a week since Kayt was 18 months old, the kids and I will definitely miss her. When I ask Kayt how old she is now she answers 2 3 years old lol.. so she is both 2 & 3 years old. I decided to start teaching her now about being 3 years old since she learns better now than she did at 2 1/2 I figure she should pick up on it much quicker. I am anxious to know how often she will go to preschool because they base it on how much they think the child can handle and I think that she can handle it the whole week, but maybe easing into it to help her adjust because she doesn't like her routine changed at all. Anywho nothing much to report, she is still having problems sleeping through the night so I am hoping my mom will buy her the night light that has the sun and moon on it to help them know when to get up and when to stay in bed...

Diagnosis

Well I found out that her developmental pediatrician did in fact diagnose her with autism. We had an appointment to go over everything a few days ago and when I asked her about things in CA she informed me that Kaytlin should have no problem getting anything she needs out there with her diagnosis. I said, "with PDD-NOS" and she said no the one that I gave her at our last appointment of Autism. Needless to say I was a little shocked because she specifically said she was not going to give her a diagnosis but to proceed as if she was diagnosed with Autism. I guess she changed her mind after the appointment. I was given her report and all of her test results from the genetic testing. I wanted to include in here a copy of the report, however it is not scanning dark enough to put on here so I will type out the doctor's diagnosis area.

DIAGNOSIS:
Autism, this is a provisional diagnosis given the patients young age. At this time, Kaytlin does meet DSM-IV criteria for the diagnosis by history. Of note, her psychologist has previously evaluated her at the age of 26 months as meeting criteria for autistic disorder.

I guess the provisional part doesn't mean squat except that she should be re evaluated at around 5 or so and see if she still fits the criteria. When it came from her psycologist it was not put on her because you have to have a doctorate to diagnose, so it is official Kaytlin can get anything that is out there with the Autism diagnosis.

How do I feel about this? I have been asked this soooo much it seems. I am okay with it, I know that I will do whatever I have to in order to get whatever my daughter needs to succeed in life to the best of her ability. I am thankful and greatful that she is very high functioning, and I often forget and second guess myself that anything is wrong with her, until she regresses or has her horrid meltdowns or forgets and gets confused half way while trying to perform a simple task.

There are many people out there who have judged me and basically said that I am wrong and there is nothign wrong with my daughter. I want to tell anyone who says these things to people/family/loved ones, anyone in general that is the worst thing you can ever say to a mom or dad that is trying their hardest to raise a special needs child. Unless you spend every waking moment with that child you should keep your opinion to yourself. This is not a topic of gossip, this is not a topic taken lightly, and this is especially not a topic or situation for a support system to turn on the people that need it the most. I am very dissapointed in everyone that has doubted me and my parenting ability and I pray that one day you will see the light and that we as parents are doing what we need to do in order for our daughter to have the best life possible.

I also want to thank everyone that has supported me in this year and a half journey to getting a diagnosis and figuring out exactly what was going on with Kayt. Her therapists rock and I cannot be more thankful for her developmental therapist and psycologist who have not only helped with Kayt but also to re assure me that they would not be waisting their time or ours if she did not need their services.

I am over ready to move where my mom can help and take Kayt for a day and give this mommy a break :) Kaytlin and Robbie are definitely a hand full! I will continue to update and I want to thank everyone that has been here reading whenever I update and praying when I have asked you all ROCK!

Okay I learned something new today. Kaytlin only knew she was going pee in her potty because it sings, she couldn't feel that she was going! She thought for sure she went in her bubbies frog potty which doesn't make noise, and she hadn't and it happened a few times. She also peed her pants at hippotherapy and had no idea that she did it and I guess her shoes were full of pee, if her pants didn't have a huge wet mark her OT wouldn't have known till she felt it! My poor baby girl, I knew she was good at making people believe that she knew more than she did, but she even fooled her mom and dad this time! I wish I could fix all this for her, I guess I was in denial for a bit there thinking that the hippotherapy was the cure all for her. Don't get me wrong it is helping, but not as much as I had thought. Anywho just wanted to update.

Sorry I have not posted in a while. We started Kaytlin's hippotherapy and things have been soooo wonderful since! She has been a different child, a typical 2 yr old (i will take the stress of that over before anyday!). She is even potty training now! Today she had 0 accidents until this evening. We even left the house, I took her potty with us and she used it in the back of the van lol. She talks much more clear, asks for what she wants instead of crying, understands a lot of what we tell her, it is just amazing! She still has her motor planning issues (her tongue that I mentioned before and a few others) as well as sensory which we don't think she can feel when she needs to go #2, she also is still unable to tell me what hurts or where she hurt herself which makes it hard when she is crying and I have to search for whatever got hurt.

I am just sooo amazed and proud of my little girl. I know some of you read some nasty things on my facebook wall that were written by a few members of my husbands family, but I want you to know that we do not speak with those individuals anymore as that is just poison that does not need to be involved in our lives. His mother is very much for everything we are doing now as she can see the delays also, my mom, as much as she doesn't see too much of the delays (or doesn't want to), does not look down on any of the things we are doing anymore as she sees it more of any help teaching her things is not doing her any harm anyway.

Kayt has her transition meeting to start developmental preschool coming up! I cannot believe my baby is almost 3!!! She has also been released from speech therapy! The hippotherapy helps her think so well and process what she wants to say clearly enough that they do not feel that speech therapy is needed anymore :)

Okay I will stop bragging about my brat. Thanks for keeping up!

What a wonderful day!! I hope this is a result of the hippotherapy! She has had a rough afternoon, but this morning was great. Thankfully it was our picture day and she just cheesed away. I am going to go get the pics off the online and post one. I am so proud of her!